Exodus Beyond Belief

Why keep living life according to old definitions? We all must undergo our own mental exodus back to the heartland where our truth still runs freely. Easier to write a poem.

Exodus Beyond Belief.

Here I am at the start again.
Exodus part 2 scene 1 action
Leaving behind the past
My world of used beliefs
Outdated values. Digital barcodes.
I am following the call.
My bird that sings.
Old friends I leave.
New ones I greet
Will I die? Or will I live?
Surely I am dying
If I stay in a world
where life is a commodity
A product, a currency
nah I must go inside
through the spirit cave
that leads out to the
great blue yonder.
I see with new eyes

A mountain in my name
A star beckoning.
There I call to me.

This year 2015 I  have started living less conventional again. To be more freedom finder, to be more monkish, to become less static and more dynamic according to my own definitions eh.

These words above are not new. Towards end of 2006, I just wanted to unplug from normal society and start living life according to my own truths. I had to prove myself worthy of these visions and thoughts I was still getting. So I gave up living in a house and just lived from my car. This was like my own Aio Koa initiation. For 12 months in 2007, I slept in the bush, at the beach or inside my car if the weather was bad. When back in the city I would use the best hotel or equivalent that I could afford. Other times I stayed with family or friends. Using a laptop and a mobile internet connection to do business with the outside world.

I wanted to be able to handle the deep bush as well as the concrete jungle. Be able to walk in both worlds. This was about me going back inside myself to make outer changes. It cleared my mind and opened up my eyes to things right in front of me. In nature I found my clarity. A tree can teach you a lot when you spend a couple of days being in its presence. A butterfly resting on it’s branch then flying off into the open sky. Standing in the pitch darkness, you sense the tree breathing as it sleeps. You also see shades of darkness mixed with white mists of light. Your own skin has eyes of its own. These things must be experienced. In society I found my challenges. Everybody rushing. Parking tickets. Concrete instead of grass. Lots of rubbish. If we walked barefoot more often, our feet would soon tell us what its like to step on broken glass. Yet it does not have to be this way.

It is all a state of mind. The wilderness is actually inside you. Yet the minds have been concreted over just like the grass. I think this is my next path is to remind people of the wilderness within. Even when in the heart of the concrete jungle, do not let your heart turn to concrete. We must be able to walk in both worlds. Both deep forest and urban jungle with elegance and attunement. To be an ambassador for nature. To be a voice for the small flowers and the tiny creatures. Just like little kids they have feelings as well. They are part of the family. They need to be heard and respected.

We do not need much. Yet we tend to want lots.

In New Zealand average houses in Auckland are now costing half million dollars and more. Yet during my year long retreaI I often created my own shelters and improvised caves. Here is one where I carved out the side of a steep bank covered in native and pine forest near Tararua Ranges close to Wellington. You can see my sleeping bag, pack and a book. I have candle going as it was getting dark. Look on the left you see my little spade sticking upright. This what I used to dig the cave. It took about 6-8 hours to get it to basic proportions then I kept refining and reshaping it after the first night. No different to sleeping in a new bed. Keep adjusting. It reminded me of dens where animals would curve out a hollow place to lie and feed their young.

LOVE = Level Of Vibrating Energy

Vibrations are impacting on many levels. Energy, both wireless and material is all around us. Right now there are infinite levels and lines of vibrating energy dancing in and out of my sensory awareness. Through the many vortices of my being.

Here is one definition.


What’s good LOVE? Bad LOVE? Big LOVE, Little LOVE? Huge LOVE with Ugly Beast Face. Lots of definitions of LOVE.

The love of a child. A love of mother. A love of an Ideal? Love of a pet? A tree. A rock. A mountain. All different types of love. These vibrations are radiating infinitely and eternally.

The absence and presence of love? Universal Love always exists. In infinite definitions and expressions that totally exceed our small understanding of it. We know its sensations, its vibrations when the Universal love intersects and resonates with our own love of self to create the divine holiest experience within – our own heavenly experience. The feeling of being alive. Fully alive. Breath taking. Heart stopping. Tear jerking. Fucking unreal. This is IT. I get it.

Then it disappears.


Then the adult begins to question. To doubt. To feel unworthy. Poor me. I work so hard to be miserable. Industries exist to heal my misery. As adults we dilute and degrade our birthright, our pure self love with lots of artificial definitions, emotions, filters such that we experience the adult definition of misery. Instead happiness and love. Lots of conditions. Intellectual exploration. Like this blog. I feel loved when XYZ happens. How can I love my life? I do not have a life. I have to work to make a living.  A family to support. And the list goes on and on..

This is just one huge social definition that keeps getting handed down from parents to kids. Its like a mortgage of the mind. It binds the mind to keep repeating the same old definitions. Mental slavery. So the levels of vibration are just at minimal level. Where is the love?

We all need to clear the hubris, dust, dirty windows, blocked drains, leftover beliefs from our previous tenant self who has been living inside the house of our being. Time for a new timeline. Change the calendar on the wall of the house. Open the windows, open the curtains and let in new life.

You can dream your Highest LOVE inside your house right now. Do not let this external world define what you can do inside your house. You can imagine great things from the comfort of your home. Looking outwards to the future. Beside the warmth of the Past. The images of loved ones. Photos of your former greatness. I look at a photo of me when I was just 3 years old. With a stone in my hand. Being held fast by my two older brothers. One bare skinned with just his shorts on. Holding me so that I would not run away from the photo.

What were your thoughts, little 3 year old boy?

Did you think that one day your future 49 year old self would be looking back on this snapshot? Nah, you were just being in the moment. Wild, untamed, jumping and bouncing with a pure innocent LOVE of Life. Needed to be held down.

We were all like that 3 year old child? We all forgot that child LOVE as we got older. More beliefs became layered on us. Shoes, shirts, shorts. We got dressed up. Soon the little 3 year boy became 5 year school kid became awkward teenager and then grew into the world of adult head.

The good news. We can remember the child LOVE with the body of knowledge and wisdom that my 49 years of life has given me. We can remember those special childhood moments. For a briefest moment, time stands still, the external world stops as we remember that photo. We look at it. We smile at it. It is us. We relive the moment, that special time. We can RE-LOVE life!!! Using the knowledge we have been given. We can play the game better. We know the rules. We can break them. Changing the vibrations. Changing the timelines. Remove the negative vibrations. Re-label them as life experiences. Wisdom gained from living each day. You can can go backwards, forwards in the present moment. Adult heads find this hard to do. But the child mind does it easily. Ascending and descending all in the one breath. It is the LOVE of Life eh! LOVita, the Living Vibration, the Aroha, the Aloha, the Breath of Life.

It starts with the breath again….



Find Your Own Holy Name

We are living in humbling times. So much is happening. On many levels. Great flooding in one part of the globe. Heat waves and fires in another. Earthquakes. Earth changes.  Destroying man, machine and mind in its path. Terrifying yet sublime. Divinity inside the chaos. This is the cleansing, the purgatory needed before illumination. Clearing the dross, asphalt and concrete apartments from the civilised mind.

To remind us that change is inevitable. Each one of us must undergo our own cleansing. One must sweep aside all the hubris, the dross to read the hidden seals left by you to remind you. You must purge the beliefs that prevent your inner doors opening. To let the light in and out. Like breathing..

The light is not what I think it is. It is infinite in its names. If you don’t connect with Ra, Heaven, God, Violet Flame, Archangel Michael, Jesus, Buddha, Maitreya then don’t despair. Be gentle. Don’t force these names. You have your own Divine Book of Holy Names inside you. Hidden beneath many layers of religious beliefs, conquering deities and veyr big lnog sutpid words wth lotz of rong spellng. Divine comedy.

Let these holy names elegantly find you.


Create Own Healing Symbols

You have your own signatures inside you. Waiting to be read…

You have your own seals left by you. To be discovered by you. In this time.

You must remove the hubris. Wipe the dust. From the tomb of your body. To reveal the sigils. The codes that point the way. Inwards. Into the Core of thy Being. To reveal your hidden heart land. The home of truth. Your truth. Not mine. Not others. Yours.

If symbols of this outward world do not resonate for you at a heart level. If Reiki symbols do not resonate for you. Nor Runes. Nor Cruciforms. Nor Sanscrit. Nor the words in this blog. Then feel free to create your own. Invert, convert, subvert these outward symbols into something totally new, holy & illuminating for you. No one nor thing has a monopoly on truth. Only masses of opinion aggregated into concrete beliefs forming the understructure to modern thought. Truth is the untamed wilderness where the soul runs free. It warms the heart. Like first rays of morning sunlight that warm a shivering bird.

Hence in your healing work. Let your heart be your healing eye, ear, voice and touch. Make your own medicine. Treat your own poison. Know the difference. Everything is relative. No absolutes. One person’s medicine can be another person’s poison. With a whole continuum of shades and shines in between. Just a drop of this added to a bowl of that can make it explode or make it go flat. Same with symbols. Add your own essence. Like the blood surging through your heart. It is your own unique sound of life. The heartbeat that connects to the symbol. Makes it comes alive. Haumi e, hui e, taiki e.

Zen Man with Smart Phone

Energy, energy, energy. We live in a technological world. Surfaces matter. But energy flows beneath. The underground of life. So easy now for one’s words to be heard. Blown through electronic windows. Cast upon internet currents. Caught by both spammer and seeker. What is your story? Your journey? Your life.

Myths and legends, Hobbits and Dragons still capture us. Our imagination. Yet we still face the reality of life. The droll, dreary trudge of daily labour. Myths allow me to see your life through a different lens. A mirror of reflection.

Old Zen man says, “chopping wood, carry bucket water ”

Young Zen kid says, “shopping good, smart water”

We need new mythologies perhaps. Integrating old and new technologies. The urban shaman uses both smart phone and traditional drum. Or download a native drumming MP3 file. Maybe order Sage in a Bottle from Shamanmarkets.com to purify the space. Or IPray and IQuran apps for the Muslim devout to remember to pray and face Mecca daily using smartphone compass. Maybe the smart phone technology is modern equivalent of the printing press technology discovered by Gutenburg in 1440. It is changing the way we communicate…

Yet these are all external aids to assist the inner journey….

The Pursuit of Happiness is the modern equivalent of a shamanic journey perhaps. Obstacles appear. Blood and gore representing the pain in pursuing happiness. Dark unhappy forces come with different faces on my journey. Familiar names. My own darkness lurks within. What still cages me. What stops me, you from walking up to our greatest fear, our most terrifying demon and kissing it. Evolving it. Walking through it. When does the terror become the bliss? Beast becomes Beauty.

Happiness. Love. Ugly. Hate. Just words. We make them come alive.

The Maori and The Madonna

We call a spiritual message or vision a Tohu in Maori. I am not religious, Catholic nor follow any Monastic Creed or Da Vincian Code. But the Madonna or Mother Mary seemed to be coming into my life over the past few years. Well, I am not sure whether I have the right Mary. Is Mary the Mother or the Wife of Jesus? I dunno yet the Mother feels right to me. I do not claim to know what these mean nor make any extraordinary claims. They just happened to me here in New Zealand. A Maori Man and The Madonna

Tohu One – First Sign
In 2007, I was doing my own 24 hour vigil, no food, no water, no sleep inside a secluded forest space. About 10 paces long by 10 paces wide. I did not leave this space and stayed there for the whole 24 hour vigil. Just watching myself. Tracking my thoughts, feelings and movements over this time. Inside this space. I would place a stone into a hole for each hour passing. A lesson learnt. 24 stones in total. At around 2am in the darkness, I noticed a white light in the trees. It perplexed me. It looked like a hooded figure holding a child. I thought I was just imaging things. It stayed there so I looked away. Avoiding it. Rationalised that it was just starlight through the tree canopy. But I remembered crying and this feeling of compassion. Maybe I was feeling sorry for myself. Who knows. So I waited until 6.05am in morning and wrote down the following..

Here is a transcription of the note above:
“6.05am 21 Jan 07. It is now dawn and much lighter. Just remembering that white light. The outline looked like Mother Mary with robe over head looking down. Well it was the sky through the canopy. Yet why it appeared bright white when all the other spaces appeared black? I don’t know. Maybe Mother Mary is my guide. The lesson I got from the light was compassion. I know the eyes can play tricks when tired and in the dark. But I kept blinking my eyes and closing them to make it go away. It was starting to annoy me cause it was right in my face. I dunno but to give thanks. I am looking at the same space right now in the light of day. It just looks like a tree canopy with leaves and twigs. Maybe this was the vision. Lesson. Believe in Visions and Miracles of Life. Believe. 22 Stone: Belief – Believe it and It is.”

Tohu Two – Second Sign
Over a year later in September 2008, again out in the forest. I had dug a cave in the side of a bank to sleep in. It was getting dark and I had lit a candle inside to continue digging. I had just finished when I decided to pull a rock out of the back cave wall. The shadow cast on the wall from the candle onto the rock indention looked like the Mother Mary holding a baby. So I decided to wait until morning and have another look. It looked different in the daylight coming through the cave entrance. But I knew that there was an outline, an imprint on the wall. So I shaped the soft rock with my spade and made a small altar. I left the candle and some flowers. This black and white photo was taken when I left the cave. Ironically a little baby niece called Te Puea was born the same time I made this little altar. So I dedicated this little altar to her birth. She is now 8 years old (as at 2015).

Tohu Three – Third Sign.
In March 2012, I was visiting an eco-village Te Tihi near Turangi, Taupo here in New Zealand when I was talking to Maori man whose name was Kereopa. He seemed a spiritual man with moko tattooed on his face. For some reason, our conversation turned to the Madonna and I shared the above experiences.
He looks at me and says,
I have something to give you.
You must be the one I have give this taonga (talisman) to?
So he goes away and comes back with a green rosary bead with Mother Mary and a Crucifix. He had been given it by a priest or nun from some monastery in Europe I think. I could have this wrong. He was told that he would meet someone whose story would resonate and he was to give this rosary. He says a prayer and gives this to me.

I only tell you this because it must have some significance for me. This is part of my mythology. Part of my life story. My own book of mystical experiences. Yet Madonna does not really fit into my Maori spirituality as I know it. Papatuanuku, Hinenuitepo, Hinenuiteao, Hinemoana, Kokawhenua and the other many female Maori goddesses. Maybe it comes from my Gaelic lineage. I dunno. Maybe I need to let go my cultural preferences.  Maybe this goes a lot deeper than my surface story here. A good friend said it was part of the Mother Earth, Gaia, Sophia energy coming through me. Papatuanuku as she is known here in Aotearoa. Hmmm it is what it is. Or whatever meaning we take from it.

You must track the spiritual signs or tohu that happen in your life. It is part of your own mythology. Your life story. Who knows what wonders may reveal themselves? The great mystery behind our world of man-made appearances.



Sometimes I like to think like a physicist sitting beside a fire. Under a starlit night. Listening to a wizened old Maori tohunga reciting the genealogy of the stars. Eyes shut. Intoning the sounds of creation. Crackling fire. Sparks rising. The physicist is writing in his notebook. Logic meets Logos. Mathematical notations. Units of Lightness. Darkness. Gravity. Levity.  Inner world of thought, feelings, beating heart. Outer world of stars, fire, chanting, night sky… Writing is the first crystalisation of thought into form. The first word, symbol, sound image inked onto the papyrus of reality.

On his first page, he writes something like this..


I believe the increasing numbering of the senses reaches a point of synthesis where we “kapow” create a new reality born of infinite streams of SHFTS happening multidimensionally in the eternal NOW…NOW…NOW…and NOW.. Yes, the subtle inner senses of hunger, thirst and so forth. Then for me it jumps into the realm of quantum physics where the energies associated with each sense. The use of E=MC2 where C = light squared = Consciousness magnified. M = prism of matter that manifests the incoming consciousness stream into E sensations of beingness. If we clean our prism filters and expand our subtle shfts then we can perceive the greater realms of extrasensory perception so much more. I like to draw pictures, use physics and mathematics to express my thoughts. Aio Koa Physics meets Metaphysics meets Megazicks the Impossibull.

Seasons Repeat Themselves

If I seem to repeat messages then it is because they are important to me. I am really writing for myself. Yet if you find benefit in my words then feel free to be my guest. To sit down and share my campfire of thinking. The warmth is free for all. We are all fellow travellers in this journey of life.

I keep repeating messages so that I remember who I really am. I keep forgetting. Then I remember briefly. That I am an immortal soul embodied inside a human form wearing different identities, labels, maps and roles. Then I forget. I get caught up in this makeup world. Inside the many mirrors. I must have compassion for all my reflections I see. I am not here to preach anything to anyone except to the face I see in the mirror. To keep repeating a message from his deepest heart, her highest soul that he, she, it has always been loved since Creation first breathed life into it.

I forget..

I forget that I chose this life, my parents, my childhood, my children, my enemies, my friends, my life experiences. Without them, I would have no story to my existence. No contrast. No colour. Just my own pure vibration of spiritual light without a body to bruise, abuse, control, cut, love, kill, laugh experience. My Immortal Soul chose to come down into the “Little Self” who is writing this right now. By time Little Self loses his baby teeth around 6 years or so, his little mind is already caught inside the man-made web of this life. Little Self forgets my “Bigger Self” apart from little moments of huge love, compassion and freedom. I then remember.

I remember…

Some things are perennial. Like the Spring that keeps repeating itself. The melting snow dissolves. Purifying my soul. New shoots awaken. Joy is the opening of my hearts own springwaters gushing from the snow covered mountains within. Lift your eyes above the mountains to the blue yonder sky. Look at the sky and let it touch you. Let it call you.  Fall in love with that great blue orb of light. As if your spirit leaves your body and flies up upon the winds. Feel your blood is pumping with the heart of an eagle. The winds touching your breastbone as the muscles of flight surge within you. Your magnificent wings beating upwards into the currents of light..

You must not let your senses keep you captive. Nor let your logic cage you. Density is the inverse of levity. You must rise again and again. Even if it is momentary flight of freedom lasting only seconds before your eyes glaze over and Work commands your attention. Just smile and let your winged thoughts lift your face…

This is why we must keep repeating our true voice. Be like the Spring that keeps returning again and again.



The Chances of Life – The Choices I Make

Remember that what brings you to these words, images and page right now is a choice! A sequence of choices that culminate in you reading this right now. Remember that there is a logic, your internal algorithm that sifts through all this internet to find one word, image or person that answers your search. Embryonic choices that zigzag into an illuminated sphere of discovery. Or not.

Then chance takes over. This is where life intervenes.Life makes the choice. Whether I like it or not.

Always put the heat over your choices. Put the heat over your chances. Find out what endures, what melts down. Use your own logic to discern spiritual teachings, gurus, channels and information. Put what I say into your imaginary furnace. Hammer it. Temper it. Bend it. Find what is useful for you. Burn the rest.

Let no God, Demon, Man, Woman or Beast ever take away your right.  To forge your own truth. Sounds extreme but I believe in the freedom of the individual pursuit of truth. Yes, there are consequences. Fire still burns, speed still kills so have respect for life. Life is a awesome feedback mechanism that makes it real. We often get what we feel and think about the most. You are free to think your worst or best. Yet some thoughts never die. Each thought is a choice that begets an experience be it good, bad or indifferent! Even if you have chased a 1000 fantasies, fled a 1000 fears and made a 1000 stupid choices. They are YOUR fantasies, YOUR fears, YOUR stupidity. I have my own. Some thoughts never die?

How do we kill a thought?

You make a choice eh! Here is my painting of a circling light fields radiating from a square embryo connected to umbilical series of zig zag choices.

My face is actually at the centre of the square embryo if you stare with open mind.


Do the Work

So much information around. Internet is like an extension of my brain. It sits inside a bigger Space called my Mind. Bytes and bits hurling through this Mind Space like rays and rays of infinite light falling on the atmosphere of my conscious awareness. Photonic, harmonic, tectonic, lots of ironics.

Yet I need to do the Work? Filtering, cleaning, circulating, orbiting. Copying the Earth as she rotates and spirals old energy into new spaces. I need to do the same. Shake my head. Find my heart.

Really this site is about my own search, discovering my own truths. It is not meant to be any thing special. A journey of one man’s life, a journalling of my own insights.

I must do the Work. Face the struggle of new growth. Daily growth. Shed old beliefs like old leaves falling from my own Tree of Life. Small changes 1% performed daily eventually make great transformations over time. Some of my thoughts are not new. I have written them down in my own handwriting many years ago. Sat there waiting to be regrown. I look at my fingernails as I type this. I look at them for couple seconds. No movement I can see but I only cut them three or four days ago yet that tiny whitish arc is already growing outwards. Soon to be darkened by the earth of daily life. At a cellular level, there is movement of cells building up the nail. Naturale or polished to reflect the person or the hand. When does the hand stop? Or my brain begin? Just because medicine shows me a picture of a brain in my head, does not stop me from imagining having brains inside my cells.

Complexities like this I enjoy. It is good training to take meaningless observations or questions that soon get judged and discarded with “ah that is just pointless, going around circles, what is your point, you are talking rubbish?”

Does your rubbish talk?


One must do the Work. Turn the soil of hardened thought. Remove the habitual response. Till the cultural clod. Be grateful for the field of infinite fertility that we walk in. Yet be aware of the limitations of the Brain.  Myopia of the Senses. Your Garden of Eden is within.You must daily walk through it on the Way to Work.